


take my hand but leave my heart

by Fiercest



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Ownership, Past Sakura/others, Sakura is maaaaaad, Sasuke gets the short end of the stick here, Subversion of Tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-03-17 23:05:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13669161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiercest/pseuds/Fiercest
Summary: In the aftermath of the war and his return, Sasuke and Sakura's relationship was moving towards Something. But when Sasuke must bind her with an ancient jutsu, their chance at happiness together may be ruined irreparably.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a salt fic, I'm really sorry guys. I am a fandom Old. And there was a time when ownership/slave fics were like… a thing? And I was reading an old fic recently and it was driving me literally insane because it had so much potential? And it's execution was... Questionable? The sexual politics of it were really icky and yet, I finished it. So. Dunno what that says about me.
> 
> Anyway: Have a shippy, fluffy, feminist(me)-approved fic about love and the questionable ethics of ownership. And also what the hell you're supposed to do when you've ruined things with the love of your life.

 

_There are two men left in the world with the knowledge to bind one person to another, in service for eternity. Sasuke stands over one of them, with a sword in his hand._

_._

_._

It's a shackle. It's beautiful, but deadly things can be beautiful too. He clenches the band in his fist, the metal bites into his palm and he feels a little better. Self flagellation is what he knows best, he supposes.

He has a key to her apartment. Because she trusts him.

It took him a long time to earn that trust. It was hard work and he did it with the knowledge that it may never bear fruit. But incredibly, it did. She's fierce soul, but a gentle one. All she ever asked of him was that he be happy and that he stay. Both of those things were inextricably entwined and linked to her. He wanted to stay, to be a part of this family, this village. He wanted things to change.

After Sasuke had served his sentence, he was released into a world he could see with new eyes. He came out the other side humble, grateful and more alive and whole than he'd been since childhood. His first priority was taking care of the council and restoring his family honour. His second priority was making things right with everyone he had hurt.

Starting with Team 7.

Sasuke promised that he would never betray them again.

Naruto was easy to win over. It took so little to make him happy. They fell back into their old rythmes as easy as an old habit.

Kakashi was harder to budge, but there was less distance to travel with someone who understood him so intimately.

When Sakura welcomed him back it was with an open palm offering friendship. Trust came later.

They salvaged their team the same way they built it the first time: by working together towards a common goal, putting each their lives in each others hands and sharing meals together.

Sakura's friendship is as precious to him as anything in the world. He fought for the right to be back in her life and after all that… It's about to end.

He places the bracelet on her pillow and adjusts the white ribbon wound around it. The cuff is stainless steel and patterned with intricate designs: vines, leaves and buds. He traces one vine with his fingernail before snatching his hand away.

His stomach roils and lurches.

He remembers what being forgiven feels like.

.

.

"I will never forgive you, as long as I live," Sakura groaned and delicately held a napkin in front of her mouth. "Stop ordering more, I can't do it any-"  _belch_ , "-more. Ughh…"

Naruto cackled and tucked into his third helping of barbecue ribs.

Sakura was having an amazing week.

She made a breakthrough with her stem cell research, the new Icha Icha just came out and it's  _amazing_ and Naruto treated her to lunch with  _definitely-not-my-royalties-from-the-publisher-I-don't-write-those-whaaaaat_?

Tsunade was in town so they'd be meeting for drinks tomorrow and in three weeks she's due in Suna, where she'll be participating in a meeting on duties and tariffs for agricultural goods.

 _And_  a few days ago, after a spar, Sasuke invited (demanded) she come over for dinner and eat a real meal, with vegetables (as opposed to ramen, or soggy hospital pizza). She wasn't 100% sure, but it felt sort of date-like at the time. She wasn't getting her hopes up, per se, but it was  _something._

They were approaching a curve in their relationship. They've spent the better part of the six months dancing around each other, getting to know one another again. She liked what they were now. By some unspoken agreement, they were taking it slow.  _Real slow._  She preferred that.

Of all the potential romantic relationships she'd had, this one far and away mattered the most. She didn't want to pull a Jun.

An internal shudder at the thought.

Jun was a Suna nin who, over the course of an extended stay in the village, had kind of fallen for her. Too quickly for Sakura and she'd felt awful; for her it was just a fling.

Now that she knew what being on the other side of it felt like, she could only think on her childhood crush and feel a lance of shame through the heart. The last thing she wanted was to make Sasuke uncomfortable. She'd let him set the pace. It should be him that came to her.

(There is a small part of her- very little, completely squashable-that knows this is self preservation, not selflessness. She can't put herself out there again, not when it comes to him.

And hey, if every romantic partnership she's had in the past three years has been shallow, fleeting and mostly physical, then it's nobody's business but hers. No matter what Naruto, Ino or Karin have to say about it.)

She told herself that she wasn't waiting, even as she planted herself on a bench outside Hokage Tower.  _Nope, this is just the perfect place to read_. She was about halfway through  _Icha Icha Trials_. She might as well get some fresh air. Yep, that was it. And hey, if she just  _happened to know_ that Sasuke was due back today and would need to debrief the Hokage then that was just pure coincidence.

She did a poor job convincing herself. She was mapping out their conversation in her head. " _Hey Sasuke-kun, fancy seeing you! You up for a spar?"_  She shook her head, she was being ridiculous.

It was just-

His sentence lasted a year. House arrest, a little less. He'd only been free and clear for six short months. She still felt like she only just got him back and she  _treasured_  this time together.

.

.

Sasuke locked the door behind him and headed toward Hokage Tower. That should have been his first stop, but he felt ill at ease with the bracelet still in his possession. He almost wanted to get it all over with. It would be cleaner that way.

His gait was slow and leisurely, but he felt like he was careening towards something.

It felt like hours before he looked up to find himself at the center of the village. And there was she was, the last, yet only person he wanted to see, right out front.

She was wearing civilian clothes. A swishy, baby blue skirt gathered like seafoam in her lap, a denim blouse was buttoned up to her throat and creased at her elbows where they bent to hold a book up in front of her face. She bit her lip in concentration, or excitement at the prose; he couldn't be sure. Her eyes scanned the page quickly, darting back and forth.

As he drew closer, he could discern a slight blush on her cheeks. Noting the title, he rolled his eyes.

Then she let the book fall open in her lap and kept reading as she took an elastic off her wrist, combed her fingers through her hair and tied it up in a messy ponytail.

Her hair was still so short, some of the strands escaped. Her concentration remained unbroken as she continuously pushed her bangs back off her forehead, unmindful that they kept falling back. It was incredibly endearing.

For a moment, watching his teammate so absorbed in her smut, he forgot everything else and snorted.

Though there were crowds of people around, shouting and going about their lives, this little noise drew her considerable focus his way.

Her smile was like dawn breaking.

"Welcome home!" she called with a wave.

Despite knowing better, he took the empty seat beside her.

"I can't believe you're reading that in public."

"You know, a wise person can admit when they're wrong and we were. All those years, Kakashi-sensei was right. These books are  _literature-"_

"Oh my god," Sasuke hid his face in blushing shame.

"No really, you can also totally tell that Naruto wrote these last two, the style of prose completely changed."

"Stop it."

"I'm actually really impressed-"

"I don't want to picture the dobe coming up with any of that."

"UGH," she exclaimed in disgust, "Gross. Why do you have to put it in that context? That ruins it!"

"It was always gross," he laughed while fending off repeated blows to his shoulder, the vile novel in question, doing the bludgeoning.

"You are no fun  _at all_. In case you were wondering."

Sarcastic and flatly: "I am  _the most fun_."

An unladylike snort. "The life of every party you've ever been to."

"I've  _never_  attended a party," he took great offense to the idea that he might.

"Exactly."

.

.

For one brief hour, Sasuke pretended that everything was fine.

This was just a regular day with his friend.

Nothing was about to be ruined irreparably.

.

.

Sakura's great day came to a close after Sasuke walked her home.

He told her that he just needed to give Kakashi a quick update on the mission details, then he'd be back, so she should stay put.

She was so absorbed in her book that she didn't realize he'd taken over an hour until he'd nudged her back to reality.

Curiosity compelled her to comment, but he shrugged and nodded in the direction of home.

They strolled in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other's company.

Sakura lived in a third floor walkup and he trekked the stairs at her side, taking her right to her door. It was oddly chivalrous, but not completely out of character for him.

She invited him in and he politely declined. That was okay though.

Everything was okay. It was a really  _really_  good week.

"Goodbye Sasuke-kun," she told him sweetly. He raised his hand and after one last, shared look, departed.

When he was gone, she slumped against her closed door, practically giddy.

Nothing could sour her mood.

She sang to herself as she washed up and changed for bed. She practically launched herself onto her mattress and bounced in time with her own giggles. A sudden  _clack_  startled her.

Peering over the side of the bed, she spotted the source. It was a bracelet; a steel cuff, wrapped in a white ribbon.

"What the-?"

She plucked it off the floor and turned it around in her hands, confused. She had never seen it before. Sakura looked around the room as if she'd find an explanation. Had she bought it and forgotten about it? It was tied up in a ribbon, like a gift. For her?

Lips pressed together grimly, Sakura made a list of the people who could get into her apartment. It was a short one, but she supposed a shinobi of high enough caliber could get in unimpeded.

_It really is beautiful._

With a tug, she untied the ribbon and dropped it in her lap. She ran her fingers over the etchings, then brought it up to her nose to sniff it. Was it lined with poison? She was immune to most, but you never knew.

_Nothing._

A thought occurred to her that was too good not to try and quash.

The piece was clearly foreign, not in the style of Konoha artisans. It seemed expensive. There was one person who  _just_  returned from a mission. Who had the funds to afford a piece like this. Who had a key to her apartment. Who… well, she didn't know how to define their relationship and couldn't divine how he felt, but she thought they'd been growing closer?

She shoved this theory deep down. It was too good to be true. And so unlikely.

Sasuke wasn't the type to give gifts. And they weren't  _quite_  there yet.

But Sakura was made to hope.

She smiled to herself and slid on the cuff. It fit beautifully, like it was made for her. She swung her arm around, testing the limits of her movement. It didn't hinder her one bit. It was almost like the steel bent with her.

Outside, the sun was setting. Her stomach growled, pulling her from her giddy excitement at the mysterious gift.

A knock interrupted her fervent search for sustenance through her empty cupboards. The only thing she could find was a bag of barbecue chips and a can of beans.

A genin stood on her welcome mat. She was short, shorter than Sakura could believe she had ever been. Her frizzy brown hair was tied up in tight twin tails behind her head and braces were revealed when she grinned politely up at the jounin.

"Hi, Haruno-san," she said, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other. "Hokage-sama sent me to fetch you for a meeting."

Sakura smiled kindly at the girl. In a post-war world, there were fewer dangerous missions. Children were usually restricted to simpler tasks like carrying messages, transports and petty theft.

"Hi Suki, am I your last task of the night?"

Suki's smile turned sheepish, "Yeah, the guys are waiting for me at Yuusuke's. We're gonna try and beat this new game."

"So I should hurry over."

"If you're not busy… He did say it was urgent though."

Sakura snorted, "No, I wouldn't want to keep  _him_  waiting." She tossed the bag at Suki. "Here, take this with you. I should try and eat some real food for dinner anyway."

"Get Hokage-sama to treat you," the girl suggested, cheekily.

"Not a bad idea."

.

.

"Hi Kakashi-sensei," Sakura grandly swept into the Hokage's office like she owned the place. Considering that she spent years assisting his predecessor, before the idea of him taking the job was even a malicious gleam in Tsunade's eyes, she was entitled.

"Sakura." At first, she didn't even notice his weird tone. She went right to his shelf by the window. He borrowed a book ages ago and she'd been meaning to double check a conversion chart she knew was in the index.

"It's been an entire eight hours since we met about the budget for this quarter. Did you miss me already?" Finally, she found what she was looking for, catalogued the number in her head and snapped the book shut.

When she looked up, she was stunned to find him looking at her with pity.

"Oh god. What?"

He didn't say anything and if he kept looking at her like that then she was going to freak the fuck out.

"What is it? Is it Naruto? Sai? It can't be Sasuke, I just saw him. Is someone hurt? I swear to god Kakashi-"

He must have realized that the longer he let her wind herself up, the worse it was going to get.

"Sakura, have a seat."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is really loud. And justified in her rage.

 

Outside the door, Sasuke paced back and forth. He'd never been much of a fidgeter, but right then he had all this excess energy and  _rage_. He wanted to kill something. Preferably something that could fight back.

He clenched his fist and thought of the old man he slew without an ounce of remorse.

Why should he have any for him? He was a monster.

His stomach roiled, but if he was a monster, what does it make the man who sought him out?

He hit the wall like a meteor. Cracks fissured out from his fist.

That was dumb. He had one hand and the only healer he was willing to let touch him, might never let him touch her again.

Sasuke waited.

Soon, a scream of frustration could be heard from inside the office.

"SASUKE UCHIHA, YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE, THIS INSTANT."

Self-preservation instincts kicked in and Sasuke winced. The cold fingers of true fear ran down his spine.  _I should run. I really should_. He could practically feel his rib cage caving in under her fist…

But Uchihas do not run or cower… this Uchiha probably should, but he wouldn't. He stared forlornly at the staircase for a moment then walked into the office.

.

.

"There's an ancient law that predates Konoha, it gives a high ranking or wealthy person the ability to own another person."

Sakura, thinking this was information that was relevant to a mission, listened raptly.

"There is a very powerful, very complex jutsu that facilitates this bondage," Kakashi continued. "Apparently there are only two men left in the world who can perform it."

Sakura rolled her eyes, of course it was two  _men._

"Ownership isn't just a legal state, it's a link. The link becomes cemented through a physical object. It's also one way of declaring that person already belongs to someone."

Sakura couldn't help but think of wedding rings, their purpose being the same. So horrible that a sentiment as romantic as declaring belonging, could turn so disgusting and dark.

"Usually a necklace, or a ring… or a bracelet."

The bottom dropped out of Sakura's stomach.

.

.

In the office Sasuke found a wildcat, poised to claw his eyes out. And then he remembered. "Sakura, don't-!"

Too late.

She lunged, aiming for the face. Her fist was an inch away from connecting when she suddenly dropped to the floor with a shriek. She writhed once then deflated, like the pain suddenly ceased, leaving behind a sense of uncertainty; had the pain been real at all?

She lay there, staring at the ceiling, wondering what happened. But her rebound time was quick. She jumped to her feet and tried again. This time, Sasuke smoothly knocked her hands aside and subdued her by twisting her arm behind her back.

"Stop, you're just going to hurt yourself."

"Don't sound so confident, I  _think_  I can get a couple hits in," she bit back, sarcastically. Their last training session had ended in a draw.

He recalled how she'd looked, hair in a disarray, ripped clothes, a smudge of dirt on her cheek. She panted even as she grinned. Heart in his throat, he'd thought to himself that she'd never looked more beautiful. And then they'd connected with simultaneous punches to the gut. They woke up an hour later, tangled together in a heap. They lay like that for another two, too tired to move.

He mourned that a day like that would never happen again.

"Sakura." Kakashi's firm tone seemed to bring her back to reality. "We should probably go over the logistics."

"Oh? The logistics of Sasuke  _owning me?!"_

Kakashi looked sick when he told her 'yes'.

"As you've figured out, you can't attack him."

"I promise, I'll figure out a way."

Is it wrong that that's sexy to him? He pushed the thought deep down. "I can't control the punishment, I'm sorry."

"He'll be aware of everything going on with you. He'll know innately where you are at all times and have a direct link to how you're feeling."

"Oh yeah? Are you getting a clear picture right now?"

The fury burned white hot, he was almost sure she didn't know that he could feel her heartbreak too. "Stop interrupting." Her hurt compounded his.

He hadn't intended it as an order, but her lips pressed together. She shrieked in shock, through her closed mouth.

Kakashi shot him a cutting look. "His orders will be followed."

"It wasn't on purpose!" Sasuke protested.

"Things he disapproves of will be punished in the same manner as when you attacked him." Sasuke sizzled under the heat of Kakashi's masked anger. "Anything I'm forgetting?"

He hadn't forgotten anything. He just wanted him to say it.

He wanted to be able to look her in the eye as he told her this. He deserved every last ounce of hatred she'd feel for him. He had taken something without consulting her. This was vile, this was an ending; of a lot of things. He thought, everything else she might be able to forgive, but not this.

He wanted to look at her, but found he couldn't. Sasuke stared at his shoes and told the ground the horrible, ugly truth. "This jutsu was traditionally used to bind women as… concubines. Men who want to own another person… they're traditionally very possessive, greedy people. A jutsu like this ensures…" with pain came courage, sour and curdled in his gut. He looked her in the eye, like she deserved and watched her crumble. "Sakura, you will never be able to have another man's children."

For an entire minute, Sakura stood there, processing this news. A broken beginning cracked in her throat. She opened her mouth several times as if hoping she'd find the words along the way. She looked at him and even if he couldn't feel every fissure within her, he would know. Her eyes told him her sorrow, her confusion, betrayal and then-

Coldly, she promised him. "Then I suppose I'll never have children."

Then she left. He didn't blame her.

Sasuke, lost, turned to Kakashi. The man's fists were clenched around the edge of the desk, white at the knuckles. He stared grimly at the spot his female student had vacated. "She doesn't mean it," and he did not mean this as assurance.

Kakashi knew very well why he did what he did, but sometimes knowing a thing doesn't lessen a person's feelings on the subject.

"Should I-?"

"Probably best that you don't," Kakashi interrupted.

Which left him to wonder what he should be doing, if anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always lovely and appreciated <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sasuke each find the worst person to help them deal with a crisis.

 

Sakura stormed out of the building and found herself at a loss. When she was upset like this, the best medicine was usually Naruto. His unwavering cheerfulness, his open and inviting self. She never had to wonder if he was genuinely interested in her problems or just humoring her. His artless love for his friends was so all encompassing that their smallest grievances were his.

But she knew how the conversation would play out. Naruto would defend Sasuke. He'd tell her that he must have a reason. He would coax her into softening her heart, giving him the benefit of the doubt. In essence, he'd side with Sasuke. That's not how Naruto would see it, but that's how it would feel.

It was the last thing she wanted right now.

For a second –and really, the thought exercise was just for her own amusement –she imagined how Sai would react to her presenting him with this problem. It briefly lightened her mood.

So deep in thought was she, that Sakura didn't see the solution until it had already thrown an arm around her shoulders in friendly greeting.

Karin and Sakura had become fast friends after she'd saved her life. In doing so, she'd earned the taciturn missing nin's eternal loyalty and unwavering support. In her own way, Karin loved Sakura as much as she loved anyone.

And she could always be counted on to commiserate and rage.

Karin took one look at Sakura- furrowed brow, red rimmed eyes and lips so pale as to be practically non existent-and decided that what she really needed at this very moment was to get a drink.

Twenty minutes later they sat in a scarcely populated bar, with six shot glasses between them and Sakura halfway through a summary of her situation.

"I will fucking kill him. You just say the word."

Sakura smiled and squeezed Karin's hand. "Maybe I could poison him."

The sudden zap she felt at the thought seemed to indicate otherwise.

"Is there anyway to break it?"

Sakura bit her lip. "...I didn't stay to find out."

"Temper temper," Karin chortled, sounding proud rather than chastigating. "Why'd he do it?"

She rolled her eyes.  _Who cares?_  The truth was,  _she_  did. Sasuke never did anything 'just because'. Deep down, she was sure there was some high and mighty reason. She knew he wasn't cruel. He was her friend, but more importantly, her teammate. He would always watch her back. But for now, she didn't need to sympathize with the enemy. She needed to be angry.

And knock back a shot or two.

As she did, a sharp zap of disapproval shot through her. She shrieked her frustration heavenward. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!" and then, just to show he couldn't control her, she tossed back another. "OW."

Then another. "FU-!"

"Sakura," Karin chortled, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Showing that fucking imbecile that I can do what I want!" She stole one of Karin's shots and knocked it back for good measure.

The bartender set another tray of shots in front of them. Sakura, throat hoarse from burning exclaimed (too loudly) that they hadn't ordered more. The bartender smiled and nodded his head towards a pair of men in the corner booth. They were handsome. One raised a glass and winked at her. Sakura blushed.

She felt a sudden sharp pain in her chest and her face crumpled.

When Karin asked her what was the matter, she lied and told her it was another zap from the bracelet. But the truth was much more complicated than that.

.

.

She kept expecting to cry. Karin probably expected that too, with the way she kept throwing her sidelong glances. But she wasn't out of anger yet.

.

.

Three beers deeper, Sakura was sobbing her eyes out loudly and publicly.

"I just- I thought we were friends, you know?" Karin kindly handed her a cocktail napkin to blow her nose in. "I thought- we were definitely- we were heading towards  _something_. I'm not crazy, I know he doesn't lo-love me but-"  _hiccup_  "we're  _friends_." She spat the word, embedded with all the layered meaning she could manage.

Karin patted her shoulder, "If he doesn't, he's crazy. And as your friend, I have to tell you: you can do so much better."

"Not any _more_!"

.

.

Sasuke winced every time Sakura took a shot. It caused him no physical pain, but to know he had no way of stopping the retaliatory shocks was akin to torture. He'd wager it hurt him more than it hurt her.

To the casual observer, it looked like Sasuke was having a fit.

To an oblivious companion, it was mistaken for constipation.

"Listen man, you gotta check the bread for mould."

"Cease and desist."

"Fine, be that way. Your treat then."

"Sakura says the new book is good, you can afford it."

"I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about," Naruto delivered the line as the very picture of angelic innocence. "What book?"

Sasuke wrinkled his nose at having to voice the title. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I cannot recall."

"Icha Icha ringing any bells?"

"None."

"...Did you consult a lawyer before this conversation? What is happening?"

"Sasuke," Naruto's uncharacteristically stern face drew them back to the matter at hand. "You couldn't have led with your reasons?"

Sasuke took a bite out of a soft boiled egg and refused to answer.

"If you'd just explained she would have understood."

"What difference would it have made?"

"She'd know it wasn't your fault."

"Of course it's my fault."

"What else could you have done?"

"..."

"You were trying to protect her."

Sasuke pushed his bowl away, no longer hungry. "She gets to be angry about this. It's a horrible situation. If she couldn't be mad at me, what would that leave her with?"

"That's twisted."

"That's kindness."

"What the fuck, no-"

"If I had told her, she'd have run off. This whole business is a waiting game. First piece of information I get, I'm heading out."

Naruto clapped him on his back."You'll fix this. I know you will." Laying enough change on the counter, he stood up and wiped his hands. "I'm gonna go. I've got a date. If I know Sakura, she's getting plastered right now." Sasuke's grim expression confirmed it. "It's probably the closest she'll get to reasonable for a while. You should talk to her."

As Naruto departed and Sasuke mulled over his words, he was struck by a thought. "You're having  _another_ dinner?!"

Naruto waved over his shoulder, "Not that kind of date," he shouted, prompting Sasuke's brows to rise.

Another zap shook him from unwelcome thoughts of Naruto's sex life.

To be frank, he didn't  _love_  Sakura's drinking habits. He didn't love her eating or sleeping habits either. He hoped this didn't mean she'd get shocked if she tried to order takeout. The disapproval stemmed from his honestly  _very sincere_   _and legitimate_ worries over her health. Sakura had a tendency to overwork herself. She hardly ever ate anything green unless he made her.

He'd taken to making bentos for Team 7 training sessions for this exact reason.

How his teammates had survived without him, he'll never know.

And it wasnt that he disapproved of drinking in general. He imbibed occasionally. He understood the need to unwind, especially for people as stressed at Sakura and Kakashi. But Sakura had inherited many things from her master and he worried that Tsunade's drinking problem would be among them. And she got so emotional when she drank. He didn't know how to deal with that. Especially when she kept touching him, as she was wont to do only when she was plotzed.

A frown pulled at the corners of his lips.

He threw money down on the counter and talked himself in and out of finding her.

Eventually, his worse nature won out and he followed the invisible thread that tethered them together now.

He found her ten blocks from her apartment, half her weight supported by Karin.

Shockingly, his former teammate didn't seem surprised or perturbed to see him. She practically tossed his  _other_  former teammate into his arms. "Help me out, would ya?"

He took over the burden, holding her up with his good arm.

"I'm too drunk to try and kill you, but res'assured I'll try if you touch her," Karin shoved a finger up his nose in a strange attempt to intimidate him.

Sasuke wanted to die.

"You couldn't even if you wanted to and I am touching her. You handed her to me."

"Shut up."

With a heaving sigh Sasuke hitched Sakura onto his back and began the tedious process of herding Karin to the bridge she lived under.

Once there was a door safely between Sasuke and a manslaughter charge, his throbbing headache began to ebb.

Sakura was a pleasant weight on his back. Occasionally, she would rouse and murmur in his ear, funny things like death threats and her hopes for the fictional couple in  _Icha Icha Trials_.

The cool night air and empty streets offered him a welcome liminal space between himself and the morning.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I've been able to take you all somewhere unexpected so far. Thanks for reading!
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr as Fiercyy!


	4. The Missing Year: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war, Sasuke spent some time figuring his shit out. [1/2]

 

_A Year and a Half Ago..._

When Sasuke submitted himself to Konohan authority, he viewed it as a temporary measure- a stepping stone. It was a hoop he had to jump through in order to eventually be a part of Itachi's dream: a peaceful world.

He spent three months in the holding cells of Torture and Interrogation, waiting for his trial. He was allowed no visitors and lived in a 8x7 cell, so there weren't a lot of options for training.

Sasuke keeps time as best he can. There is no window in his cell, so he can't see the sun. He decides that the guard changes at 8am, 4pm and midnight. (Afterwards he'll learn that this was incorrect, the postings are not so regular. But he'll suppose it doesn't matter in the end).

He usually wakes up a while before the 8am change. Years of having his internal clock set to dawn leaves him with the habit. At first he'll lay there, thinking until everything becomes too big, too tremendous for him to think about anymore. It's usually the bad things that find him in the morning. They force him from his cot and set him to expel the excess energy and the drive with no direction.

He does one-handed pushups and when that isn't enough he holds a handstand for as long as he can.

It isn't for long. While this was not an uncommon part of his warmup before, he hasn't yet recalibrated his centre of balance. When he paces the cell, he notices that his gait is off as well. One wouldn't think that thirty pounds would make such a difference, but it does.

By the time he's finished warming up, it's around 9am.

It's then that he pulls out the only thing in his cell other than clothes (and a bed, sink and toilet). He has it memorized by the third day, but it still softens his expression when he looks at it.

It's a list of exercises to help him with his arm. Sakura's handwriting is as neat as she can make it, but it's still the messy scrawl of a doctor. She also drew a stick figure version of him to illustrate what she could not describe. Stick-figure-Sasuke's hair spikes up in the back and he has an unnecessary frowny face.

He goes through the exercises; a combination of physio for the raw tendons and muscles, and kata that improve chakra flow and encourage faster healing.

It's a soothing practice. It's the best part of his day. Concentrating on the kata clears his mind for a while. For three hours Sasuke can think about nothing but healing and the determined kindness of his friends.

He first thought of Sakura and Naruto as his friends again shortly before the fight with Kaguya. He became comfortable with it when they followed him as deep into the prison as they were allowed (and a good deal farther than that. There are few people in this world who can stand up to the combined onslaught of Sakura and Naruto's passion).

When he thinks of them, he thinks of them as they are now. He cannot think of their childhood selves without regrets. It starts with wondering what could have been and only leads to depression. Instead, he plans for a future in which he can stand beside them again, without shame.

He is determined to accomplish that.

So he does his exercises and he thinks about his life.

With the next change of the guard comes lunch. Always a healthy portion, usually simple.

Once a week, Yamanaka has guard duty. She smuggles something extra almost every time, while dutifully assuring him that if it were up to her, he would starve. But then Naruto and Sakura might be sad.

He assumes the apples and tomatoes come from them. He'd be surprised to learn that they come from Kakashi.

When Ino is on guard he talks to her. Sort of. He has to clear his throat often, his voice wavers with disuse. He spends most of the conversation listening.

As a child Sasuke wasn't quiet. He babbled like any kid. Itachi and his mother were good listeners. Itachi took after their father. He was a naturally reserved man. But Sasuke took after his mother in more than looks. Family dinners were mostly silent affairs but when the mood took her, Mikoto could keep up with anyone. She could have had a future in interrogation. Her tireless interest in the minutia of everyone's days was what he remembered best about her.

After the massacre there was no one to ask the right questions. And no one to listen.

His time with Team 7 was loud. Kakashi loved his monologues, Naruto would shout his ideals at anyone and everyone. Sakura never shut up. And Sasuke would yell too. He's loudly put down Naruto, he'd make his own declarations of vengeance, power and arrogance. Occasionally, one of them would ask the  _right questions_.

Once or twice, Sasuke did.

When he was with Orochimaru, he was unsafe. Everything was a test. Every moment; a trial. Every word he said was a calculated risk. For three years he kept himself from exposing any weakness, even accidentally.

Taka made him forget sometimes. What's worse, they made him remember.

During the war, he did quite a lot of talking about all the wrong things. And never listened.

Sasuke knows better now.

So he talks to Ino. He listens to the minutia of her day. It keeps him just a little more sane.

Apropos of nothing, Ino cautions him against hope. "I can't let them in to see you. I would if I could."

"Aa."

"No really, I can't."

"I didn't ask you to."

Ino seems skeptical. She must wonder why he talks to her at all. He's never had any interest in her, and hers has waned with age. As if in apology, she tells him all about Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura and how they're working on rebuilding. The Rookie Nine, who might have been his friends in another life, feature heavily. She doesn't talk about the past. He's glad of it, he can't decide if he wants to know. Ino answers the right questions without being asked.

The rest of his day is spent in meditation. This is a self-imposed sentence.

Sasuke wants a future but knows very little about what that would consist of. He needs to figure that out.

.

.

When Sasuke's trial is over, he stays with Naruto. The Uchiha district was razed in one of the many attacks on the village, his old apartment was leased long ago. There's a tatami mat in Naruto's living room that definitely doesn't belong to him.

Sakura comes over almost every day. Kakashi occasionally joins them for meals.

With each passing day, his resolve solidifies.

He cannot stay.

.

.

Naruto understands. He didn't always, but this time he does.

They bump fists and both of them know this is not an ending. They'll see each other again. This is not an exile. It's a quest.

"I'll be back," he tells him unnecessarily, just because he feels like Naruto would appreciate a spoken promise.

"Yeah yeah," but Naruto's smile is brilliant.

He's still learning.

.

.

The question isn't whether or not he loves them; though he can see it in Sakura's eyes.

He loves them enough to change. He can be the man they deserve.

That's not her problem. Sakura has her own life to work on, her own legacy to build. And this is about him. He needs this. He needs to find redemption.

The Uchiha name is heavy on his shoulders, but his back is bare. Until he can decide what the future of his clan will be, he will not wear its colours.

He pokes her seal and gives her the soft promise of another time.

.

.

He writes while he's away. Not often, and certainly not in great enough detail to satisfy such enthusiastic correspondents as Sakura and Naruto. However, with the same surety as in his gait, he knows that any word at all makes them very happy.

He wonders if Kakashi is surprised to receive letters from him.

He hardly gets anything back from his sensei. He's far too busy and his responses are often in messy, rushed scrawl.

His correspondence with Sakura is a slow process of meeting. He doesn't know the woman she has become. Of everyone, she's changed so much. He gets to know her in her own words.

Naruto is an excellent writer. He manages to make him laugh out loud exactly twice and  _he can never know_.

.

.

Sakura has a lot of love to give. It is… unfair to expect her to be alone forever. The war is over. They're living in peace time now. Slowly, their friends and age mates pair off. It's the natural progression of things.

She writes to him all the time, but one letter is different.

_Sasuke,_

_There. Right off the bat. I shouldn't call you Sasuke-kun anymore, we've long outgrown that._

He imagines her hesitating over the page here; wringing her hands and searching for words.

_I hope you're well. I want you to know that I think about you every day, though I'm sure that's not what you want to hear. I don't say it to guilt you or make you feel like I want something in return. I know better than that._

_I can't help picturing you, wherever you are. I have this image in my head, of you sitting between the tree roots, reading my letters by firelight. Every time you reply, I know you've thought of me._

_Is it silly, how giddy that makes me? I don't really care._

_Except that I do care. A little._

She goes on to tell him that she loves him and it's nothing that he did, but she can't spend her life waiting anymore.

He folds that letter up and tucks it into his pocket. He takes it out every day and rereads it, searching for an answer that will satisfy her. But what could he say?

 _ **I love you too**_? He does and he doesn't. He loves her, but not the way she wants or deserves.

Sakura has so much love to give and deserves someone of equal depths. Sasuke's heart is chained up in contrition. His life is busy with the work of redemption. He does not know where the end of that road lies because there is no end in sight.

The selfish part of him clamors for him to write a reply.

_**Wait for me just a while longer.** _

But for what purpose?

 _This is mostly an exercise in letting go, for me. There was never a promise between us, despite what I always hoped. I'm sure you knew, at least I hope this didn't come_ _completely_   _out of left field. I just wanted to finally tell you properly, even if it's not in the most ideal way._

_Please be safe while you're out there doing good._

She signed it  _All my love, Sakura._

It's so much, the love she has. It's everything. The simplicity of the closing of her letter strikes him.

If it were going to be anyone, it would be her. But he's not ready and sometimes people's lives don't align just so, at the right moments.

He labors over the right words. Should he cut her loose and end her pain. He could be the enemy of her hope and keep her from further heartache. Or is hope what will save them both. His reply will determine the course of both their futures forever. Is there a promise that he could make, that he can keep?

He writes a dozen replies and sends none. Weeks go by.

As she always does, Sakura makes the hard choice that saves him the trouble. Another letter:

_Sasuke,_

_Hope you're well and that you received the package of salve I asked Kakashi to include in his letter._

He did. It is the only indication she ever gives of avoiding writing.

_I have news!_

She goes on to tell him that Kakashi just appointed her as a delegate on an ambassadorial mission to Suna, where she'll be participating in treaty talks with the five nations. She talks about her friends, her day and everything is normal.

It seems that Sakura took his silence for complaisance and agreement. She never mentions the confession again.

Letters still arrive regularly and Sasuke, with a keen eye for detail and a newer knowledge of the writer, starts to see a change.

She writes around the things she doesn't want to tell him. There are gaps in her accounts of her days. Sasuke wonders who the lucky man is while his stomach twists at the thought. He's likely someone kind, who treats her well and most importantly  _is present_. This man, whoever he is, can be with her. Which is more than Sasuke has ever been able to claim.

It's not jealousy. It's the keen feeling of regret, Sasuke's most familiar companion on his travels.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love to hear what you all think! Especially of my idea of Sasuke's time on his own (and his unlikely 'friendship'/toleration of Ino).
> 
> -Fi


	5. Chapter 5

 

_Six Months Ago..._

**.**

**.**

He returns and Naruto thinks that Sasuke can slot himself back into the space he should have occupied in all their lives. But Sasuke knows better. He is a satellite doomed to careen out of their orbit soon enough. Except that he doesn't want that at all. He just doesn't fully believe that he can have it.

Naruto has made it his mission to debate Sasuke over the best way to live his life- as if either of them have any clue.

"Why did you come back?"

"I thought I had become a man who deserved to be here."

And Sasuke questions it every day.

He and Sakura never talk about her letter. The Letter.

Instead, he waits. He wants to see if this life will stick.

It's not a matter of whether or not Sasuke wants to stay. It's all he wants to do. With each passing year Sasuke aspires more and more towards a quiet existence in the village. He realized something that culminated in a screaming match between the New Sannin.

" _The best way to change something is from the inside!" Naruto shouted, "Look at me. Look at Sakura. This is our home, your home. And like anyone else who lives here, you're one of the people who makes it what it is. This village can be better, I genuinely believe that. Do you?"_

_The thing is, he believes in his peers. He trusts Naruto and the future he keeps a weathered eye out for. He admires Sakura who is always questing for ways to make people whole._

" _Konoha can be everything that me and you needed it to be when we were kids."_

" _The village failed you," Sakura said quietly. "It's our job to build a future so that it never happens to anyone. Never again._

And Sasuke knows he can help. He might even be required to help.

He just needs to figure out how.

.

.

Sakura awakes with a splitting headache and unbroken fury in her heart.

She needs to blow off some steam. She needs to get away.

She had three weeks before she's due in Suna, more than enough time for a mission.

Sakura had been serving as diplomatic envoy to Suna for a little over a year. It was decided in the early days following the war that greater cooperation between the Five Nations was needed. Sakura is well-liked everywhere, but particularly in Suna. Their leaders owe her their lives, the people give her their trust and adulation. She finds that moderating Sasuke and Naruto, then later Sai and Naruto, prepared her well for politics.

It's been wonderful. It's not that Sakura doesn't love the hospital, but she never wanted to be confined to one place. Ever since her first mission, her first steps outside the village, she'd loved seeing new places. She's getting that itch again. She can't wait.

Kakashi is shoulder deep in stacks of paperwork by the time she gets to his office at noon.

"How's it going your Lordship?"

Kakashi doesn't glance up, but sighs deeper into the pile. "Such a shame, you were always my most polite, adorable student."

"At least I'm still adorable." She hops on his desk, comfortable as can be, "So I need a favor."

"You and every single other person in this village."

"Anyone else in this village been bought like chattel recently?"

Kakashi props his head up with his elbow on the table and a hand under his chin, "Thankfully no."

"I want a mission."

"I see you're taking it well."

"I'm taking it amazingly, shut up. How well am I supposed to take this?" Sakura's shoulders slump and she stares at the ceiling. She feels tears coming on and she'll be damned if she angry-cries in the Hokage's office. Again.

"Have you guys talked about  _why_?" he throws his hands up in ineffectual defence. "Not that it makes it right. Just asking. I can have him killed if you want, I've got a lot of pull these days."

"I don't care why."

"Of course you care."

"Fine, I can't care  _yet._ "

"Can't stay mad if he has a good reason."

"Exactly," she sighs. "I might take you up on the assassination thing. For now, can I just have a mission?"

"You're due in Suna-"

"Just a short one!" she implores him with her eyes, "I need to not be here right now. I need some space. I  _need-_ "

"Fine." Kakashi sifts through his drawer for a scroll and hands it to her. She unfolds her crossed legs and slides off his desk. This next part is a harder request.

"One more thing?" she tries not to twiddle her thumbs, "Can you get my house key back from Sasuke?"

Many questions enter Kakashi's head at this request. Perhaps they were further along in their budding relationship than he thought. They could both be such secretive brats. In a better moment he might have teased her about it, but instead, "He doesn't really need a key if he wants to get into your place."

"It's a symbolic thing," just like giving it to him had been.

It's so petty, but she can't seem to stop herself. She's still under the wave, waiting for it to crash on shore. The worst will come and she will be braced for it.

.

.

"-Anyway, that's how I feel."

Naruto considers his friend. Sakura and Naruto's backs each rest on opposite arms of his couch. It's small, so their crossed legs bump up against each other. This is how all their serious talks go.

He rubs the back of his neck, "Geez, I'm sorry. Do I really do that?"

"...Yeah," she replies reluctantly, "I know you want to see the best in him, but I really needed you to be on my side here. You don't need to be mad-"

"Oh don't worry, I'm really mad."

"-But I don't need to hear 'he must have had his reasons'. Y'know?"

"Want me to beat the shit out of him?"

"Maybe."

.

.

Sasuke goes through three phases: confusion, anger then right back around to his greatest hit.

The self loathing is sour and hot in his gut.

He takes her key off the ring and places it in Kakashi's palm. "Still think she'll get over it?"

"Don't give me that self-pity. I'm mad at you too." Then why is he smiling? His old teacher is possibly the most confusing person he's ever met. Kakashi waved him away. "Begone. I'll call you when I get intel."

.

.

"Oh shit, I've gotta go. Mission." Sakura hops off the couch and leans down to kiss Naruto's cheek goodbye. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye Sakura!"

She opens the door to find Sasuke, hand raised to knock. "Oh."

Sasuke awkwardly avoids eye contact. "Uh, Naruto and I had training."

"What?! We did?" Naruto scrunches up his face, trying to remember, "Shit no, I'm not talking to you."

"Hn."

"Nope. I see no one. But if I did, I would tell them to go away."

"Naruto…" Sakura sighs.

"Sakura." She crosses her arms and tries not to think about the way he says her name.

"I have to go."

"Wait."

She stops cold. Not by choice. It's a grim reminder.

Sasuke had reached out a hand to grab her arm, but upon realizing what he's done, withdraws. "I'm… sorry. It wasn't my intention-"

Sakura starts to shake, she clenches her fists. The burning in her eyes returns, but this time she glares at the floor. "You have to tell me I can go."

He looks at her and she's reminded of the way he looked as a kid, angry and afraid because he couldn't protect everyone on his own. She shakes it off as best she can.

"...You're free to go."

She's gone the next moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know, but the next one will be out in the next few days and it's loooong. We're almost done with exposition kids, colour me HYPE.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden case of 'fuck this shit' overcomes Sakura.

If she had not completed her mission four days ahead of schedule. If he had taken a different route. If he hadn't run into Naruto. If he hadn't made a last minute supply run. If he had decided on skipping breakfast and bringing a protein bar instead. If he had delayed his mission a day instead of insisting on the urgency of leaving that afternoon. If he hadn't been assigned a mission at all.

If.

.

.

Intel suggests that the Daimyo of the Land of Smoke keeps a harem with a peculiar and mystical tie to himself. The Land of Smoke is a small, poor nation on the border of Wind and Earth. It's populated mostly by farmers and miners and has no hidden village of its own. Instead, the Daimyo holds more governance and maintains it with hired mercenaries. Their aid, bought with the profit from the mines.

It's a routine investigative mission. Sasuke is not to engage, though he desperately wants to. To destabilize the region would cause headaches for their allies in Wind (and Earth). It doesn't stop him from wanting to assassinate the man on behalf of the women rumored to be under his thumb and his own vaunted sense of vengeance and justice.

He is to infiltrate, ascertain who bound the women to the daimyo and slip away.

The intel came in the middle of the night. Kakashi sent a messenger in the middle of breakfast, summoning him.

Sasuke calmly agreed to meet him when he was done. He finished the rice and eggs, washed the bowl and met with the Hokage to be assigned his mission.

He was packing when he realized that he was low on kunai and entirely out of wire.

Tenten's shop is new, but usually packed. She's the best. He pushes to the front, rudely interrupting her as she's serving an older gentleman who wants a katana from the first ninja war restored.

"Excuse me," the man grunts.

"I doubt you're in a rush to go out on a mission with that thing." I doubt you're on a mission to go out on a mission at all.

Tenten smiles ruefully and calmly glances between them. "Hyuuga-san, I'll be with you in just a moment. His majesty is in a rush." Her sense of humor and the way she could make someone feel like they were in on a private joke with just a good natured roll of her eyes makes Sasuke understand that there is more than one reason that her store is so successful.

"Hi Sasuke, what do you need, when are you leaving?" He appreciates that she's curt with him, he's in a rush; impatient to be on his way now that he knows what his mission is.

He thinks of Sakura, who could be anywhere in the world right now. He tries to reach out to her, but finds the distance hard to traverse.

He gives Tenten his order, (nothing custom, very simple) and leaves within three minutes.

When Naruto intercepts him five minutes from the gates, he nearly loses it. "What do you want?"

Naruto purses his lips and looks persecuted, "You're in a mood."

"Hn."

"Never mind, that's just you. I'm over it. What's up?"

"You haven't spoken to me in a week."

"Oh yeah, forgot I was mad at you." Naruto scratches the back of his neck and laughs nervously to himself.

"Perfect timing."

"Don't worry, I'm still mad."

"I wasn't worried." Worried isn't the right word.

"Sure you were."

It's not as if Sasuke needs his approval. Except he sort of does. Somewhere along the way, the idiot became his moral compass. An unfortunate side effect of coming home, but nothing for it now. Naruto rarely holds a grudge, he doesn't have the attention span for it. Sasuke knows he fucked up, but he still can't think of a single scenario that would have protected her. Not as surely as this.

"When's she supposed to be back?"

"Four days."

Naruto smirks at his too-quick response. "I'm not mad because you did the wrong thing. I'm mad because Sakura's still mad. It's a loyalty thing, you know?"

Sasuke snorts, "I thought I was your best friend."

Naruto shrugs, "I've got two of those, and she outranks you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared of her."

If it were anyone else, Sasuke might have doubted the truth of this. A more valid reason would have been the stopwatch on their friendship. Sakura's clocked more hours. It's just the truth. Then again, Sasuke has seen her fight and her fury… His excuse is as valid, he supposes.

"I swear I'm trying. I knew what I was doing. I needed to do the right thing."

"Even knowing she'd hate you."

"She doesn't hate me," he hopes, "I'd rather have her mad than dead… or owned by a monster."

"'Course."

Naruto holds out his fist, Sasuke bumps his against it.

"I'll try to talk her around when she gets back."

"Thank you."

"Fair warning: I'm gonna suggest a system where when you piss her off, I get to punch you for her. Since she can't do that anymore."

"I hate you," he tells him over his shoulder, already headed for the gate.

"No you don't!" Naruto gleefully shouts back.

Sasuke waves him off without turning around.

The Land of Fire has had a dry week, unusual for spring. The roads are easy to traverse in this weather, he'd make good time if he kept on it. Generally he prefers to take to the trees. However, he has a long way to go and some intense terrain to travel once he reaches Wind Country, he might as well save his energy.

He sets out at a leisurely pace, thoughts wandering once again to Sakura and where she could be. He holds one end of a string that is cast out into the ether.

He checks, just because he can and because it hadn't occurred to him yet that he should resist.

He's shocked by what he finds.

.

.

Assassination missions aren't her norm, but she was willing to take anything to get out of the village. She was allotted two weeks. Two days travel each way and a week and change to find an opportunity to strike.

The opportunity arose quickly. He was a smoker and went outside alone on a balcony. She alighted from the roof, broke his neck and pushed him off the ledge of a four story drop.

She feels little for the man whose death will result in a woman and child's safety. She's touched that the woman's sister would go to these lengths on her behalf. She's tempted to spit on his corpse. Sakura has fought wars, battled evil. Even still, she will never understand those who abuse the people who love them.

What she does feel is frustration and anger, directed at herself, Sasuke and the entire institution of ownership. She really wanted this to last a little longer.

So she takes an extra day.

She rents a room on the way back, in an inn with an onsen.

As she deflates in the water, dozing, she feels as if all of her energy has been leached from her body. Every pore is expelling her ability to care about anything. She could just drown here in the nice warm water. It would solve all her problems.

Maybe she should sleep. It feels like she hasn't gotten a decent rest since she was bought. She glances at her wrist and considers the bracelet. It really is beautiful, which just makes her angrier. She belongs to someone else.

A war, a conspiracy, a goddess, a growth spurt, a lifetime ago… Sakura had dreamed of someday marrying Sasuke. What kind of sick perversion of that childhood dream is this?

In her soul, she knows that he has changed. He worked very hard to win back her trust. She worked very hard to trust him. She doesn't flinch anymore when she feels him at her back.

She wonders if that will change now. She honestly doesn't know.

When her limbs start to feel heavy she decides it's time to return to her room.

In the morning she wakes up more tired than when she fell asleep. She drags herself from the depths of exhaustion and packs her bag.

She's anxious to get home and her stomach rebels at the idea of breakfast, so she sets out right away.

Home is a day away by the time she realizes that something is wrong.

.

.

A digressionary meditation on Sasuke and Sakura's relationship:

They are always missing each other.

There was a moment, when they were very young. Before war, before tests, before teams, before massacres. Sasuke was a little boy who wished he knew how to talk to the smartest girl in his class.

Sakura loved him so long that that she missed the change from indifference to like. She missed that he loved her in his own peculiar way-the same as Kakashi and Naruto. As a part of something he needed: a family.

When tragedy was laid to rest. When the war was over. He still wasn't ready. She told herself she wasn't waiting because pride demanded she not. Except she was lying to herself. She had to set herself free.

The twilit, indigo, between of neither being brave enough to love the other was brief.

And just when they got close to the same page. Just when he was catching up and she was flipping back a few chapters, everything changed.

It's not that they do not love each other.

The trouble is that a human being cannot love a prison. And that is what a lack of choices is.

.

.

Something is terribly, terribly, life-alteringly wrong.

A body, pale as a cloud. Pink spilled in the dirt. Her hair's gotten so long.

It's a sunny day. There hasn't been rain in a while, but the grass on either side of the road is a vibrant green.

She's dead she's dead she's dead. It was all for nothing. Sakura is dead.

There was a time when Sasuke thought that there was nothing that could hurt him anymore. He'd seen the worst. He'd lost everything. Loving his team meant opening himself up to that pain again. In this moment he thinks of that resistance; and the hard won friendship they share. And how a moment longer would be enough.

She's mad at him. She was mad at him. It seems so stupid now. And so huge.

There's a roaring in his ears, a tear in his chest and it's letting all the air out.

.

.

She's so close.

Just a little farther and she'll be home. She can make it.

Sakura hadn't been travelling on the road; it's longer, but it's her best chance of meeting someone along the way.

She thinks she must have been poisoned but can find no source. It's not in her stomach, she didn't breath it in, there's nothing in her blood or her bones. This is something unforeseen and it is that which she fears. She's the best. And if there is something out there that can take her down, zap her of strength so easily, with no clear cause… that's bad for everyone.

Her feet drag, leaving tracks in the road. Her arms have fallen at her sides. Her breathing has become laboured.

She's only a few miles away when she stumbles and fails to catch herself. The ground is warm, baked in the spring sun. Her limbs are so heavy, weighed to the earth. She feels as if a tailed beast is standing on her back.

Sleep grips her by the ankles and drags her under.

.

.

Sasuke sprints.

His knees hit the ground by Sakura's side. He hesitates for only a moment, but then grabs her shoulder and rolls her over to inspect her for injuries.

Jade eyes fly open and find him.

He pulls away, but her left hand snaps up to hold his wrist. "No wait," she says desperately. And then, words that he's literally dreamed of her saying. "Touch me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look guys, the plot's arriving. Thoughts, feelings and screams of frustration are received and appreciated in the form of reviews :) I love hearing from you guys.
> 
> You can find me as fiercyy on tumblr! I accept prompts there.


	7. Chapter 7

Hands hold her shoulders and set her ablaze. But it doesn't burn. It's not a flame, it's more like light. It strokes her skin, lifts her up, it holds her together. It is every good feeling. It's the warm sun on her face as she waits on a bridge. It's life at her fingertips. It's the wind whipping through her hair. It's love.

And she's delusional. In her mind, she cackles.

She opens her eyes and there's Sasuke, filling up her whole world.

With the sun behind him, it looks like he's the one who's shining. Her mind clears.

He pulls away and the feeling disappears, all of the warmth she feels gets sucked into the vacuum of space. Desperately, she grabs his wrist, "No wait!" Just the simple feeling of skin on skin leaves her reeling. This isn't just delusion and old feelings mingling together in a cocktail of sick-making sappiness. Her mind races. The empirical scientist in her is running through scenarios, building support for a hypothesis.

He is the source. The bracelet. They've been apart. Contact quells her symptoms. If she hated him this would be menacing. But the sad fact is that she doesn't. "Touch me," she implores.

He stares at her for a moment-his eyes are deep pools of startled excitement, she just wants to live in them and this moment forever-before laying his hand on her wrist. Gently, hesitantly.

"I'm just guessing, but I think that when we're apart the bracelet inhibits my energy and chakra. If I were designing something like this," she studiously doesn't look at him, but instead stares at the clouds rolling past, jolly. "I would need to keep the captive from running away. This is how I would do it. It doesn't hurt. But it makes them easy prey for retrieval."

"How long?"

"I've been gone a week. About that."

"Is it… What would happen if we were apart for longer than a week?"

She swallows.

Sasuke, consummate shinobi, doesn't need to hear the words. His expression turns grim. "Can I pick you up?"

It's strange to her, that he asks for her consent in this moment. She obviously needs to be moved. They can't sit here all day holding hands. Well, they could. She might even enjoy it. But they probably shouldn't. He owns her; body, soul and against all odds, her heart too.

"Sure."

He does. Like an automaton he hooks one arm behind her shoulders and the other under her knees. It's an odd choice. Once, he would have hitched her on his back like a pack. Sakura blinks.  _Oh_. With his missing arm, that's not an option any more. He can hold her shoulders, but with nothing below the elbow, he wouldn't be able to hold her knees and she's in no shape to hold herself up.

Sasuke turns back towards the village and keeps his eyes straight ahead. This allows her the opportunity to stare. That first delirious touch is over. She settles into a warm comfort that isn't all manufactured by his bracelet.

Meanwhile, Sasuke is running through all the things that almost were.

If she had not completed her mission four days ahead of schedule. If he had taken a different route. If he hadn't run into Naruto. If he hadn't made a last minute supply run. If he had decided on skipping breakfast and bringing a protein bar instead. If he had delayed his mission a day instead of insisting on the urgency of leaving that afternoon.

Then they would have missed each other. He would be long gone on his mission.

Someone else may have found her, but no one would have known what to do in time.

Sakura would be dead. And it would have been all his fault.

His jaw clenches so tight that he imagines his teeth cracking. He chews on the horrendous possibilities of loss.

.

.

He takes her home, but standing on her welcome mat, Sasuke questions the decision.

"What?" she asks, "Would you rather stay at your own place?"

"It's not that," he mutters, still unable to look her in the eye. "I'm wondering if you wouldn't rather we go to mine."

She realizes that he doesn't want to invade her space.

Sakura mulls that over for a moment. It's true. And she's surprised he'd be so in tune with her wishes. But maybe she shouldn't be. After all, he has a direct line to her psyche these days. Who knows how much he sees? She shifts uncomfortably in his arms and holds her secrets as close as she can. She imagines a wall around her mind, knowing its nothing but ephemera.

She  _doesn't_  want him in her space. Not like this.

What Sakura wanted was for him to love her. She wanted to wake up with him. He's like a cat in the mornings; a heavy sleeper, slow riser. He mashes his face against the pillows in protest when someone tries to wake him. She wanted to make a full pot of coffee in the morning, knowing it would be drunk because they're both addicts. She wanted to come home to him. She wanted to tease him. She wanted to be bullied into eating three meals a day. She wanted to make love with him. She wanted them to share in each other's successes and failures. She wanted daysweeksmonths _years_. She wanted a life with him.

Sakura doesn't know if it's  _right_  to want that anymore.

But here they are and here  _she_ is, wanting it anyway.

"It's fine for tonight," she concedes.

He knows exactly where he's going. He sets her on the foot of her bed, sitting up. His hand halos her shoulder for a moment after letting go, to make sure she won't tumble back.

She's physically exhausted but fully alert. She slouches, but remains upright.

Sasuke goes through her drawers, not for a second questioning if it is right for him to do so. His boundaries are so odd; jagged and inconsistent.

Inconsistent: it's a good word to describe him. She has no idea what he's thinking.

He presses pyjamas into her hands, leaves the room and what he's thinking is this:

 _Sakura could have died._  It's a big, scary thought that leaves no room for any other.

He returns after five minutes to find Sakura dressed in a gray cotton t-shirt and yellow flannel shorts. Her uniform is in a pile at her feet.

He kneels to gather them up and pauses. Sakura's toes are painted a cheery red, not bloody or dark, but like fruit or lips or beaming cheeks. Her toes curl into the carpet. Without thinking, he reaches out and touches her ankle; it's thick, indelicate and has two bumps from when she broke it on a genin mission. It's a strangely nice reminder that there are parts of her history he can remember for himself, instead of hearing them second-hand.

She shivers and goosebumps rise all the way to her knee.

Sasuke stands and throws the dirty clothes in her hamper. He goes to her drawers and withdraws a pair of fuzzy socks.

On autopilot, he starts to kneel down again and help her with them when she snatches them from his hands, bright red and sputtering.

She's right. It's too much.

Sakura stubbornly tries to put her socks on but ends up pitching back onto the mattress. Feet in the air, she battles with her own lack of composure. Her face grows hotter by the second.

Sasuke snorts, which just encourages her struggles.

Classic Sakura.

He removes his vest, drops his gloves on her dresser. His shirt joins hers in the hamper.

He stands on the side of the bed that he knows isn't hers. Sakura likes the left side.

Soon, Sakura is victorious over her socks and her legs drop. She looks up at him with an inscrutable expression.

There's a responding, raw ache in his chest that recognizes and responds to disappointment from his loved ones. Familiar as inadequacy and yearning.

Sadness turns to a simmer as her eyes slide to his bare chest.

It is because of this that Sasuke allows himself to contemplate what it would be like to be with her, in a way that he never does unless he's alone. Like,  _be_  with her.

Sakura is a beautiful woman; full of passion and generosity and  _strength_. Her considerable focus and determination concentrated on a partner, on her own pleasure. It's enough to make his throat dry and his mouth water. If he could speak, he'd be stuttering.

And the worst part is, he can  _feel her_. Their connection lets him feel what she's feeling. Every wanton thought sends hot bursts through his body. His fingertips buzz. His arousal feeds off hers.

Sakura coughs delicately. "There's a couple shirts that might fit you in the bottom drawer."

Sasuke smirks, the spell is broken. "Thanks." Without thinking, he pokes the seal on her forehead.

.

.

For as long as Sakura has had a bed big enough to  _have_  sides, she has slept on the left one. Maybe it's a habit built out of long nights spent in hospital on-call rooms and sleeping bags in the wilderness, but she tends to curl up into a ball and takes up as little space as possible. She always faces her night table because it has the quickest access to her snooze button.

She figures it's just a coincidence that he likes the right side but she can't argue her way out of how well he fits, spooned against her back.

When Sasuke got under the covers, he carefully folded his hands together over his chest as he lay on his back. Sakura had coughed quietly, "I need...um," she cleared her throat. "You need to be touching me."

She knows that he has personal space issues, so she really appreciates that he only hesitated for like 25 seconds.

It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, they're both wide awake.

Sakura's mattress is old, she's worn in a groove shaped like her body and Sasuke keeps falling into it. He apologizes for the second time when he can't hold himself away from her. His chest keeps pressing closer. She's unsure if she's imagining that she can feel his heart beating against her spine.

"It's fine," she repeats, for her own benefit as well as his. This is fine.

Sasuke grunts and relaxes, the breath of it tickling her neck.

With his arms around her and his body close, it's getting harder and harder to keep her feelings in check. She bites her lip and pleads with the ceiling for bravery and respite all at once. "I think I'm ready to talk about it," she lies.

Sasuke doesn't answer right away and by the time he does, it startles her. "Where should I start?"

She takes her hand back from where it gripped his wrist at her waist. She holds it against her chest, as if she can heal the pain in her heart.

"Why did you do it?"

Sasuke sighs and it makes her hair tickle her neck.

"To protect you."

"This might surprise you, but I kind of assumed that." It does, actually.

A lock of hair falls in Sakura's face and she starts playing with it, just to give herself something to focus on.

"You're not a cruel man Sasuke. You don't ever do anything without a reason. You're my friend and I'd like to think I know you a little."  _Better than anyone ever has_. "You would never betray us again."

He's touched at the faith she still has in him. He doesn't deserve it.

"Have you heard the name Sato Akio?"

"Think I've probably read it in a bingo book."

He knows that it's a figure of speech. She's certain that's where she read it. She could recite his stats right now if he asked her too. Her memory is a formidable thing and one of the first things he admired about her.

"Sato is at the top of a network of nukenin with ties to the Daimyo in the Land of Smoke. He's got his hands in human trafficking, drugs and other contraband."

"What does that have to do with me?"

His arms tighten around her. "Sakura." He says like he's surprised and disappointed in her. "You're a powerful woman and a key political figure to Konoha's future. People love you and look up to you. You negotiate trade and treaties, you have the highest level of clearance and are privy to state secrets that I can't even fathom."

As he builds her up, she feels so small. She's never had her accomplishments listed back at her like this.

"Can you imagine what would happen if you fell into enemy hands?"

She snorts, "I underwent counter-torture training, just like you."

Sasuke's nose flares and he bites his tongue to force down a retort. "Who was your first kiss?"

She wants to shriek in outrage, but what comes out instead is: "Ino! Hey-! What the f-!?"

He clears his throat and wishes he'd thought of a different question. Any question. It's hard when she's so close and  _now_  he can't look away from her lips. "I can compel the truth from you, through the bracelet."

"You knew I was bi right- that wasn't like a surpr-"

"-Sakura-"

"-I mean, not that I was ever into Ino. Gross-"

"-We've discussed it yes, but-"

"-But you know, when you're figuring stuff out-"

"-I wouldn't actually, but aren't you at all concerned-?"

"- _Yes Sasuke. I_ _ **am**_   _concerned about the fact that I'm compromised but I don't really want to_ _ **deal with it right this second.**_ "

He clears his throat again and pulls away as far as he's able, while still technically cuddling her.

"What do you mean you wouldn't know? Your first kiss was Naruto."

"Confirmation that I didn't need, but thank you. Now drop it."

"Fine, fine."

"You are my friend Sakura. Nothing true that you could tell me about yourself would change the way I see you… and I won't do it again. I won't ever ask you a question that you don't want to answer."

She's quiet for a long time, but eventually she scoots back, traversing the space he gave her and presses her back to his chest again. She takes his arms and wraps them around herself.

"I won't abuse this, I promise. And I will find him for you. And anyone else who can perform this jutsu. Then we can end it. This doesn't have to be your problem."

She pats his hand. "Your problems are my problems Sasuke-kun. We're a team."

They're quiet the rest of the day and fall asleep as the sun dips below the treeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your encouragement and reviews! I love to hear what all of you think and I especially love to hear your righteous rage at Sasuke. Means it'll be a fun challenge winning you all back over ;)
> 
> Insert "Sasuke Did Nothing Wrong, Change My Mind" meme.
> 
> Kidding. Sasuke does most things wrong, let's be real.


	8. Chapter 8

 

He's so past repression, it's insane. He's too tired. Too happy. Too full.

He can't sleep at night. He's too angry. Too guilty.

Every three days or so, Sakura comes to him but not since that first night, has he slept in her bed. She's made a habit of slipping through his kitchen window (not the one in the bedroom, that would be too intimate), just after he's finished the dishes, right as he's heading to bed.

She'll appear, already in her pyjamas-

(Patently ridiculous. He pictures her leaping from roof to roof in flannel shorts and a cotton tank with sparkly lettering across the chest. Night cream already rubbed in. Teeth already brushed.)

And her preference is to slip into bed when he's already in it, but her timing is poor.

Sasuke is as reliable as a wound clock; mostly accurate, occasionally a minute or two slow at the end of the day. She should be better at gaging his routine if it matters so much to her that he matter so little.

When she's especially early, she doesn't go to bed first. She waits for him, perfectly composed on his shiny, clean counter; legs swinging and knocking on his kitchen cabinets. Sakura can be so impatient. It makes him want to make the dishes last longer, just to tick her off and see her lips purse in lovely annoyance. Then he feels bad because the only reason she's on his schedule in the first place is because of him. And Saito.

" _It was the right choice."_ She confessed, that first night. " _It's what I would have done in your place. And you would have thanked me."_ He didn't contradict her, because he supposed that was true. " _I'm sorry that I'm so angry."_

" _Don't apologize for the way you feel."_

Never again. Not to him.

" _Thank you,"_ she whispered in the dark. " _For putting Konoha first."_

He hadn't. He'd put her first.

Before he thought about the information she could divulge, the treaties she could ruin, the wars she could start; he'd thought about the prospect of Sakura as a person, his friend, being owned, body and soul, by a stranger. By an evil man with cruel intentions. He thought of her taken. He thought of her light being extinguished. He imagined a broken women he'd never again be able to recognize. He thought she'd find a way to kill herself. His heart prematurely broke at the idea of never seeing her again.

Sakura was glad for his loyalty, she saw it as a sign that he'd changed, but he hadn't really.

This village had his fealty. It had his life and his hand at its disposal. He would fight for it. He would die for it.

But above all, he would always love his family the most.

Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi would always come first.

.

.

Some nights, Sasuke holds out hope.

He takes up reading. When the dishes are done, he finds the comfortable spot on his couch (a lump-free spot) and sits back with a novel. He reads and he waits.

Sometimes he falls asleep there.

Sometimes he gives up at 2am.

Sometimes she arrives after only a few minutes and he puts up a big show of how he's busy and he'll be there in a minute and her pout is fantastic and he just wants this to be his life please-

Once, he wakes up at 5am. It's still dark in his living room and his neck has a crick in it from sleeping at a weird angle. His book lays bent on his chest and-

Sakura's asleep, sitting on the floor, her cheek propped against his shoulder, his hand and hers, intertwined on his chest.

It takes forever for his skyrocketing pulse to return to normal.

.

.

He starts to feel a little like her booty call.

They'll go a couple days with little to no contact, then she'll call him up when she's flagging. She'll sleep in his bed, he'll hold her in his arms, and all the while be keenly aware of the lie he is living. Sasuke is in love with a woman who needs his touch to survive.

And it's devastating.

They don't talk anymore, not like they used to. A cloud hangs over their friendship, different from the gentle breeze of-

_never enough_

_but good for now,_

_someday is almost here._

He misses her.

Sasuke holds her in his arms, knows her warmth, shares her space. He finds pink hairs on his pillows and his sheets smell like a mix of her moisturizer and perfume.

And still, he misses her.

Because it's a grotesque version of their hopes.

Sasuke wonders:  _what if I was braver?_

All the reasons he had for not acting on his feelings,  _their_  feelings, seem so stupid now. He's sure he had valid points about the right time, sorting through his many issues, letting them evolve together naturally... but he's hard-pressed to think of them now.

He wasn't ready. What the fuck?!

Stupid. So stupid.

How could he not be ready for her, after all this time. Was he crazy?

If they were already together, perhaps this would have been easy. There would effectively be very little change. They'd already be sharing a bed (he aches, he burns at the thought), touch would be thoughtless. She'd already know the power she holds over him. She'd be able to know and trust his intentions. Knowing her feelings could only make their relationship stronger. They would already belong to each other and maybe-

It's wishful thinking, sure.

But if they were together, maybe he wouldn't have to feel this way-

Sakura has a lot of love in her heart. She's kind and giving. She feels so much and so strongly. He's admired that about her for years. It's the same radiance of soul that he sees in Naruto. They have enough room in their hearts for the whole world.

She expresses her love in healing and protecting. And he can no longer kid himself: physicality.

Intellectually, Sasuke knows that Sakura has dated other people.

He virtually ensured it with his horrible, fucking stupid, idiotic, bullshit letter.

(Surprisingly, Naruto gave him only half so much shit about that as Kakashi and  _Sai_.)

But knowing a thing and physically feeling the effects of the thing are completely different animals.

Sakura has had sex six different nights (10 different times) since she put on the bracelet. Sasuke knows this because he knows what she's feeling. At  _all_   **times**.

Usually, it's just a dull awareness. Is she happy or sad? Is she angry? Usually. But sometimes, she'll show up at his apartment and she'll look at him with those big green eyes and she'll  _want._  That's… an incredible and terrible feeling that he can never ever never act on. It's sweetly painful and it's hard- uh- _difficult_  to resist. Because he feels those things too. And then his wants kind of bleed into hers and they create a feedback loop and he has to work extremely hard (ugh) to pull them back and pick apart whose feelings are whose.

And sometimes, she'll be somewhere else; at the hospital, a bar, the supermarket, home, and he'll feel that twinge. Which is normal. She's a healthy woman in her 20s. Sometimes though, Sakura will act on those feelings.

Sakura, who is strikingly beautiful, but more than that, she's funny, interesting and charming. People like her. She has a way about her. She has no trouble finding enthusiastic partners. And going by the flashes of sights and sounds and feelings Sasuke experiences; extremely lucky partners.

Sometimes, it's a little bit about getting back at him, he thinks. Not that she knows he knows. She can never know. For both their sakes.

If Sakura knew that the feeling of her orgasming under the ministrations of some other man made him  _lose his mind_  (for several reasons), he doesn't think she'd be able to look him in the eye ever again.

He wonders, if she knew, would she stop or do it more, out of spite?

He can feel every gasp, every kiss, touches that tingle as if he himself is experiencing it.

It's a hot, sweet, terrible torture.

The woman Sasuke loves is, at this moment, having sex with somebody else.

And he can do something about it, but he never will.

If he wanted, he could make it so that she would never be able to have sex with anyone but him. If he so chose, he could lock her away and keep her to himself. He could erase her sexual desires. If he did it carefully she wouldn't even need to know.  _That_ is the terrible power of this curse that he cast on her.

He could never and would never do it.

So instead, he suffers in silence and brings the curse upon himself. His pain should never factor into her decisions. She should be able to live as freely as she did before.

And if on that first night, after he'd told her everything, after he'd told her she wouldn't be able to have children with anyone but him, she'd tested that theory with a complete stranger? Well. His worries are his own. She's a doctor. She knows better. And she hasn't been so foolhardy since.

He never says a word, not because he doesn't love her; on the contrary. He loves her enough that he wants her to be happy more than he wants to be with her.

.

.

Sakura tugs at the hospital gown so there's fabric between her butt and the exam table. Even though there's also paper, irrationally, she always feels like it's not enough.

She looks around the room and sighs. She's flagging a little. She should probably pay Sasuke a visit. The idea makes her shudder, not with cold but with want. She doesn't really need to. She has at least another day before she'll really start to feel the effects, but the truth is, she enjoys being close to him. It's dangerous.

Sakura cannot allow herself to get used to this. It's not forever. She keeps telling herself that. And when all is said and done and she's free, where will they be? She doesn't think they can get back to the place where they were before. And maybe that's all her, but it's a little bit him too.

She's come to doubt herself. Maybe those feelings she thought were finally mutual are just a pipe dream. She misread the signs, she imagined it all. If he loved her, he might not find it so tedious to be in her company so often. He might have been happier at the prospect of her sharing his bed.

And…

Sakura never realized how much there was about herself that Sasuke didn't like. She's sure it's not always on purpose, because it's never comes up, but she keeps getting these little shocks. When she heats up a frozen dinner in the microwave, when she leaves a pile of dishes in the sink (this one was a low level buzz that kept her from sleeping until she stomped out of bed and put everything away) and a dozen other stupid bad habits. Sakura always wished she could know what Sasuke was thinking. Fuck. She wish she could go back to her ignorant bliss.

She scoffs at herself. Sasuke, in love with her (well, maybe not in love but in  _like_? On his way there? Even dreaming, she was never so hopeful as that).

Sasuke disapproves of her drinking, but not of her having sex with other people.

It occurred to her, standing at Yuka's sink, brushing her teeth. What does that  _mean_?

It's hard not to let old insecurities swallow her up, but it makes her feel crazy, like she dreamed up the way he looked at her.

Shizune enters with her file tucked under her arm and sighs at Sakura.

Shizune and Tsunade have always been the only doctors Sakura will allow anywhere near her body. If given the option, she'd do it all herself but that's  _not allowed_  and  _against regulations hrrr mnnnnnyeeeeeh._

She pauses in her internal whining and mimicry of the woman before her, simply out of respect and not-at-all anxiousness at the results in the brown paper packet among her old blood work, injury reports and family history.

"You're fine," Shizune tells her and Sakura sighs in relief. "Completely clean, which I'm sure you knew from your own scans." True, but it's good to have double confirmation. "And you're not pregnant." Good.

She was so stupid, so reckless. She doesn't like the sour bitterness in her heart and lungs, at the back of her throat, but here she is.

"If you have something to say, you should say it." She shouldn't take it out on Shizune.

The older woman bites her lip and lays a hand on her head. "I know you know better. I'm worried about you."

She doesn't know about the bracelet. Sakura doesn't want her to. She hasn't told anyone since that night with Karin. Nobody else needs to get involved and know her sad, pathetic fate: literally shackled to her childhood crush.

"I was being dumb. It was just sex. I dunno." Sakura fidgets with the sanitary paper some more.

Shizune's eyebrows draw together in worry, "Since when is it suddenly 'just sex'?"

It's not that Sakura hasn't always been on the physical side, but before, she was always  _trying_  to fall in love. At least at first.

Sakura knew that the best thing for her was to move on, to fall in love and live out her stupid, stunted and delayed adolescence with someone hot, fun and sweet. Except she was never gonna get to have that, was she?

She'd been serious about a boy for 10 years, and there's still no end in sight. There's very little room for other loves but it appears there's plenty of room for stupidity.

"I'm not judging you, you can do what you want. It just doesn't seem… like you."

"No, I was supposed to wait until someone  _special_  came along, who wanted to  _marry_  me and take  _care_ of me and give  _them_  my  _flower_." The bitterness in her tone is useless.

"Sakura-"

"Who decides these things?" She wants to make a larger point about feminism and slutshaming and exploration. But really, she's too tired and it's an empty tirade.

Shizune's concern comes from the genuine love of a friend.

"You were never supposed to  _be_ or  _do_  anything. All that's up to you. But as someone who has known you since you were very young and has loved you for just at long, I want you to know that I'm worried and I want you to take better care of yourself," Shizune wraps her arms around her and it is exactly what she's been needing. "You deserve everything."

Sakura hugs her back just as tight.

.

.

Soon, it's time for another visit to Wind Country. Two weeks in Suna, full of negotiations, state dinners, medical seminars and whatever else she can jam in. She loves it.

Except this time, she can't go.

Because she's shackled to someone else now. She cannot move freely or far.

She wracks her brain for a solution. What if she were to take a lock of his hair? Would that count as having him near? And should she get it under the guise of giving him a haircut?

Sakura makes a face. That's pathetic, even for her.

There has to be a solution because if she's cooped up in this village one more minute she is going to scream.

"You could ask him to come with you."

"...What."

"Or get Hokage-sama to order him to go with you." Karin pushes her glasses further up her nose and gives Sakura a look that tells her she thinks she's being stupid.

From Ino's massively dramatic eye roll, she seems to agree. They've just gotten Ino up to speed on the cuff. She keeps getting distracted by how gorgeous it is. Sakura can't blame her, she's drunk and gets turned on by jewelry, what can you do?

"Knock him unconscious and throw him in your backpack," a not-particularly feasible plan, but she's got the spirit.

Sakura slams her forehead against the table and groans. She can't prove it, but the way Karin pats her head feels sarcastic. "I feel like you're overthinking this."

"I don't understand him at all."

"Not everything can be fixed by solving an equation," Ino preaches.

"Most things can," Sakura grumbles into the chipped tabletop.

.

.

"I don't like doing this," is the first thing he says when she walks through his door because she was too weak (metaphorically, not physically) to stay away. "But I heard what you said."

"What do you mean you heard what I said?! How much did you hear?!"

Sasuke's eyes widen marginally, he coughs to buy himself time, "Some of it."

"Are you always listening or-?!"

"Of course I'm coming with you."

"What?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"...I don't know… you have missions, a routine, you don't like Sand."

"It's rough and it's coarse and-!"

"It gets everywhere; I know."

"..."

What he doesn't tell her is: 'you're more important than all of that'. What he doesn't ask is: 'lean on me'. What he doesn't say is: 'I would do anything for you'.

"It's the simplest answer," he says instead.

"It never occured to me."

"Yamanaka suggested it."

"Sure, but I thought she was kidding." Their eyes meet and slowly, they draw closer together. Without realizing, Sasuke's eyes snap to her lips. They're all he can think about. And suddenly, she pulls back and the spell is broken.

"When do we leave?"

"Day after next."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr as [fiercyy](https://fiercyy.tumblr.com)!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated, let me know what you think!


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